The Break-Up

No this is not a recap of the movie made famous by Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughen. This is the real life, true story of how and what happened to the boy I thought I was going to marry.

I'm not going to into all the details of how we met and fell in love. If you have read anything from my previous blog you know that. If you didn't all you need to know if that I loved B (as we will call him) with all my heart. I thought we was "the one" and truly pictured a life with him.

Now a little backstory: B is super athletic. Works out all the time and does Triathlons. Not a bad thing however he would miss family get togethers and friend outings because he "had" to work out. It would get annoying. When he first met me I was just starting on Weight Watchers and was trying to work out. I have endrometriosis and have had the condition for years. Sometimes it hurts to work out and it was getting worse through the years. (Just had my 3rd surgery in July)

Rewind to March 2011:
B tells me that I need to lose weight through a text message at 2:30 in the morning. I'm not going to go into details but this happened while he was drunk. We talked about it and I thought things were fine.

2 weeks later:
New text messages about my weight.

Needless to say this didn't stop. He started treating me like an animal that if I lost some more weight he would take me on vacations and stuff as a reward. Meanwhile I'm in pain every single day and I was in WW losing weight. I didn't put on more than 10 pounds and he didn't like it.


Near the end he started drinking a ton more and started to become more verbally abusive towards my weight. We stayed together for as long as we could. We didn't really talk anymore or hang out anymore only when we had social gatherings that we had already told people we were going to. I felt like this celebrity couple who was just staying together for the cameras. Few close friends knew what was really going on behind closed doors but not many. I kept thinking something would change and things could back to the way they were.

However in June he called me up, 5 minutes before he was going into work to break up with me. It came as a shock considering I dated this man for 3 years and he ends it on the phone. Needless to say I was heartbroken however I realized that it was for the best since I was getting abused and it was getting worse each and every day. I couldn't eat a single thing without him yelling at me later for it. I wanted to end it too but was fearful of how things would go. He would drink every night and I was scared something would happen if I ended it.

He still tries to text me and calls me saying he made a mistake and that he still loves me. He tried to rein me back in and then is horribly mean to me 5 minutes later. We haven't seen eachother. He wants to see me and I'm totally against it. I do not love him anymore. I am scared for him however. He has turned into a person I hardly know anymore, a drunk, a hateful person who has no compassion for anything. It's a horrible thing watching someone you once loved spiral down. As much as it hurts to watch, I can't be put in that position again. I can't do it and I won't do it.

I never once thought I was the type of person who would stay in a relationship where I was getting abused. I always said if I'm getting abused I would get out as fast as I could. I guess it's a lot harder than it seems when you are in that actual relationship. I was so mad at myself for letting me go through this pain and torture daily. It was a horribly painful thing to realize. I think that hurt the most than knowing the relationship was over. I had to come to terms that I was in a abusive relationship and that I needed out. My best friends help me with this "coming to terms" thing and really helped me through those months before it all ended.

It still is this huge shock to me that this all happened however I feel more powerful now more than ever and I'm doing things I want to do. I'm healing and I have met someone new. Someone who supports me and understands me. I wanted to clear the air and actually let people know what happened. It wasn't easy and certainly not good for awhile but on the other side is greener pastures.

This is just the beginning to a better, healthier life....

~Sarah~